this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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