Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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