i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
