I think I died a long time ago.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
