; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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