dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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