I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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