If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
