Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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