I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I fill condoms, not promises.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize