my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I forget how to act sober
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