would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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