about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
