At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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