You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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