i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
