He uses pillows to masturbate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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