Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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