i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
