so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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