Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i came on her dog
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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