You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
no you cant smoke seaweed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
