All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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