im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
