dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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