No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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