I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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