All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
