my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I want is dick and wine.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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