Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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