My room smells like vodka and shame
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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