Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
