her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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