And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch