Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.

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(609): Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS. http://tfl.nu/xjwy

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(956): View more from Texas

Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.

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(956): Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em. http://tfl.nu/08u2

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.

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(202): also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker. http://tfl.nu/m532

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(210): View more from Texas

cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens

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(210): cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens http://tfl.nu/njf7

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.

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(405): Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime. http://tfl.nu/065d

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(850): View more from Florida

We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.

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(850): We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself. http://tfl.nu/yba7

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(804): View more from Virginia

Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.

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(804): Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses. http://tfl.nu/pr98

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(513): View more from Ohio

You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.

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(513): You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute. http://tfl.nu/xfpy

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.

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(715): Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam. http://tfl.nu/fk8j

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(605): View more from South Dakota

She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.

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(605): She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes. http://tfl.nu/x8cz

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????

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(978): Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right?????? http://tfl.nu/gecs

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

An old lady WILL get vomited on today.

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(617): An old lady WILL get vomited on today. http://tfl.nu/4fpr

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.

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(774): I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time. http://tfl.nu/evoy

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?

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(203): Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish? http://tfl.nu/j5ph

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.

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(856): Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina. http://tfl.nu/1cex

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