They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
