What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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