So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
