no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
