"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
