my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
