I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Randomize
