ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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