It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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