Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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