I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
