Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
