if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
