my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
