i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize