she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
