if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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