K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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