last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
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I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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