Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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