You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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