the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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