Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
