i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
