And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
