I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
