the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
