what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
