I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
