I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there's paper in my vomit.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
