Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
