I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
