Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
