i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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