When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
